A pist drunk Sardar is stopped by the police around 1 am. and is questioned to where he is going at this time of night.
He replies, "I am going to attend a lecture on alcohol abuse & ill effects on my health."
Officer: Really....??? Sounds interesting, who is giving that lecture at this time of night.....???"
...
Man replies "My Wife"!!!
⚡
వివాహం అంటే ఒకే వ్యక్తితో చాలాసార్లు ప్రేమలో పడటం.....
కొత్త కాపురాన్ని చూడటానికి వచ్చిన తండ్రిని బీచ్‌కి తీసుకెళ్ళాడు కొడుకు. అతడి భార్య కూడా వారితో వచ్చింది. ముగ్గురూ ఇసుకలో కూర్చుని మాట్లాడుకుంటున్నారు. దూరంగా పిల్లలు తడి ఇసుకతో ఇళ్ళు కట్టుకుంటున్నారు. బీచ్ అంతా రష్‌గా ఉంది.
"ఎలా ఉంది కొత్త సంసారం?" అని అడిగాడు తండ్రి.
కొడుకు మాట్లాడలేదు. కోడలు మొహమాటంగా నవ్వింది.
ఇంతలో దూరంగా పిల్లల మధ్య గొడవ మొదలయింది. అందులో ఒక కుర్రవాడు పక్కవాడి గూటి మీద కాలు వేయటంతో ఆ ఇసుక ఇల్లు నేలమట్టం అయింది. అందరూ కలిసి వాణ్ణి కొట్టబోయారు. పెద్దలు వచ్చి వాళ్ళను విడిపించి సర్ది చెప్పారు.
“…నిన్న రాత్రి చాలాసేపు మీరు ఏదో విషయంలో గొడవ పడుతున్నారు. అర్ధరాత్రి వరకూ మీ మాటలు నాకు వినిపిస్తూనే ఉన్నాయి” తండ్రి అన్నాడు.
"అబ్బే అదేo లేదు మామయ్యగారూ" అంది కోడలు.
ఆయన నవ్వేడు. "మీకన్నా పాతికేళ్ళు పెద్దవాణ్ణి. నా దగ్గర దాచవద్దు. ఏ విషయంలో జరిగింది గొడవ?"
"నా కంప్యూటర్ ముట్టుకోవద్దని చెబుతూనే ఉంటాను. తనకి లాప్‌టాప్ ఉంది కదా. అనవసరంగా నా దాన్ని కెలుకుతూ ఉంటుంది. ఎంతో కష్టపడి తయారు చేసుకున్న ఫైలు మొన్న డిలిట్ అయిపోయింది" నిష్ఠూరంగా అన్నాడు కొడుకు.
కోడలు వెంటనే "ఎంతో నీట్‌గా సర్దుకున్న నా షెల్ఫ్‌లో బట్టలన్నీ మొన్న మీరు చిందర వందర చేయలేదా? అయినా మీ వాచీ నా పట్టుచీరల మధ్యన ఎందుకుంటుంది?" అంది కోపంగా.
"పట్టుచీరలు చిందరవందర చేయటం, కంప్యూటర్‌లో ఫైలు డిలిట్ చేయటం ఒకటేనా?" అన్నాడు మరింత కోపంగా కొడుకు.
ముసలాయన నవ్వాడు. "నిన్న కూడా మీరు మొదట్లో చిన్న స్వరంతోనే మాట్లాడుకొని, ఆవేశం పెరిగాక పక్క గదిలో నేనున్నానని కూడా మర్చిపోయి నాకు వినిపించేంత గట్టిగా మాట్లాడుకున్నారు."
ఇద్దరూ సిగ్గుతో తలవంచుకున్నారు. ఈలోపు అప్పటి వరకూ ఆడుకుంటూన్న పిల్లలు అక్కడ నుండి వెళ్ళిపోయారు. పెద్దాయన అటే చూస్తూ "ఆ పిల్లలు కొట్టుకోవడం చూశారు కదా. మీకేమైనా అర్థం అయిందా?" అని అడిగాడు.
అర్థం కానట్టు చూశారు ఇద్దరూ.
“ఎలాగూ కూలిపోయే ఇసుక గూళ్ళ కోసం, పిల్లలందరూ కొట్టుకున్నారు. చీకటి పడేసరికి, గూళ్ళని అలాగే వదిలేసి వెళ్ళిపోయారు. మన జీవితాలు కూడా అంతే. కొంతకాలం బ్రతుకుతాం. ఆపై అన్నీ వదిలేసి వెళ్ళిపోతాం. ఈ కొద్దికాలం ‘ఎంత సంతోషంగా ఉండాలి? ఎలా సంతోషంగా ఉండాలి’ అని ఆలోచించాలి తప్ప, డెలీటయిపోయిన ఫైళ్ళ కోసం, నలిగిపోయిన పట్టు చీరల కోసం కొట్టుకుని మనసులూ, జీవితాలూ పాడుచేసుకోకూడదు."
" వివాహం అంటే ఒకే వ్యక్తితో చాలాసార్లు ప్రేమలో పడటం....."
I WANT TO BE A TV/LAPTOP
I WANT TO BE A TV
A Primary School teacher asks her pupils to write an essay on ”What wish do you want from God?" At the end of the day, the teacher collects all the essays given by her pupils. She takes them to her house, sits and starts marking them.
While marking the essays, the teacher sees a strange essay written by one of her pupils. That essay made her very emotional. Her husband comes and sits beside her and saw her crying. The husband asked her wife, "What happened?"
She answered "Read this. It is one of my pupil's essays."
"Oh God, Make me a Television. I want to live like the TV in my house.
In my house, the TV is very valuable. All of my family members sit around it. They are very interested in it. When the TV is talking, my parents listen to it very happily.
They don’t shout at the TV. They don’t quarrel with the TV. They don’t slap at the TV. So I want to become a TV.
The TV is the center of attraction in my house. I want to receive the same special care that the TV receives from my parents. Even when it is not working, the TV has a lot of value.
When my dad and mom come home, immediately they sit in front of the TV, switch on it and spend hours. The TV is stealing the time of my dad and my mom. If I become a TV, then they will spend their time with me.
While watching the TV, my parents laugh a lot and they smile many times. But I want my parents should laugh and smile with me also. So please make me into a TV.
And last but not least, if I become a TV, surely I can make my parents happy and entertain them. Lord I don't ask you anything. I just want to live like a TV. Please make me into a TV.
The husband completed reading the essay. He said "My God, poor kid. He feels loneliness. He did not receive enough love and care from his parents. His parents are horrible."
The eyes of the primary School teacher filled with tears. She looked at her husband and said, "Our son wrote this essay."
A Primary School teacher asks her pupils to write an essay on ”What wish do you want from God?" At the end of the day, the teacher collects all the essays given by her pupils. She takes them to her house, sits and starts marking them.
While marking the essays, the teacher sees a strange essay written by one of her pupils. That essay made her very emotional. Her husband comes and sits beside her and saw her crying. The husband asked her wife, "What happened?"
She answered "Read this. It is one of my pupil's essays."
"Oh God, Make me a Television. I want to live like the TV in my house.
In my house, the TV is very valuable. All of my family members sit around it. They are very interested in it. When the TV is talking, my parents listen to it very happily.
They don’t shout at the TV. They don’t quarrel with the TV. They don’t slap at the TV. So I want to become a TV.
The TV is the center of attraction in my house. I want to receive the same special care that the TV receives from my parents. Even when it is not working, the TV has a lot of value.
When my dad and mom come home, immediately they sit in front of the TV, switch on it and spend hours. The TV is stealing the time of my dad and my mom. If I become a TV, then they will spend their time with me.
While watching the TV, my parents laugh a lot and they smile many times. But I want my parents should laugh and smile with me also. So please make me into a TV.
And last but not least, if I become a TV, surely I can make my parents happy and entertain them. Lord I don't ask you anything. I just want to live like a TV. Please make me into a TV.
The husband completed reading the essay. He said "My God, poor kid. He feels loneliness. He did not receive enough love and care from his parents. His parents are horrible."
The eyes of the primary School teacher filled with tears. She looked at her husband and said, "Our son wrote this essay."
This Story is same as to our 'LIFE'...Gratitude
A Construction Supervisor from 16th Floor of a Building was calling a Worker on Ground Floor.
Because of noise
the Worker
did not hear his Call.
To draw Attention,
the Supervisor threw a 10 Rupee Note
in Front of Worker.
He picked up the Note, put it in His Pocket &
Continued to Work.
Again to Draw Attention the Supervisor threw 500 Rupee Note & the Worker did the same,
Now the Supervisor picked a small Stone & threw on the Worker.
The Stone hit the Worker.
This time the Worker looked Up &
the Supervisor Communicated with Him.
.
.
This Story is same as to our 'LIFE'...
God wants to Communicate with Us,
but We are Busy doing our Worldly Jobs.
Then, he give Us Small Gifts & Big Gifts......
We just keep them without looking from Where We Got it.
We are the Same.
Just keeping the gifts
without Thanking him,
We just say
We are LUCKY.
And when we are Hit with a Small Stone, which We call PROBLEMS,
then only We look Up & Communicate with him...
Because of noise
the Worker
did not hear his Call.
To draw Attention,
the Supervisor threw a 10 Rupee Note
in Front of Worker.
He picked up the Note, put it in His Pocket &
Continued to Work.
Again to Draw Attention the Supervisor threw 500 Rupee Note & the Worker did the same,
Now the Supervisor picked a small Stone & threw on the Worker.
The Stone hit the Worker.
This time the Worker looked Up &
the Supervisor Communicated with Him.
.
.
This Story is same as to our 'LIFE'...
God wants to Communicate with Us,
but We are Busy doing our Worldly Jobs.
Then, he give Us Small Gifts & Big Gifts......
We just keep them without looking from Where We Got it.
We are the Same.
Just keeping the gifts
without Thanking him,
We just say
We are LUCKY.
And when we are Hit with a Small Stone, which We call PROBLEMS,
then only We look Up & Communicate with him...
ఒక MBA గ్రాడ్యుయేట్
ఒక MBA గ్రాడ్యుయేట్ ఉద్యోగం దొరక్క ఒక క్లినిక్ మొదలుపెడతాడు. జనాల్ని attract చెయ్యడానికి బయట ఈ విధంగా బోర్డ్ పెడతాడు.
'ట్రీట్ మెంట్ ఫీ : 300, బాగవ్వగపోతే 1000 వాపస్ '.
ఒక కుర్ర డాక్టరు ఈ బోర్డు చూసి తనకు 1000 రూపాయలు సంపాదించే అవకాశం వచ్చిందని సంబరపడుతూ ఆ క్లినిక్ లోకి వెళతాడు.
పేషంట్(డాక్టర్) : నా నాలుక రుచి కోల్పోయింది .
MBA గ్రాడ్యుయేట్ : Nurse, box no 22 లో medicine తీసుకొచ్చి మూడు చుక్కలు పేషంట్ నోట్లో వెయ్యి.
పేషంట్(డాక్టర్) : చీ ఇది పెట్రోల్ కదా
MBA గ్రాడ్యుయేట్ : కంగ్రాట్స్. నీ నాలుకకు రుచి తెలుస్తుంది. 300 ఫీ ఇచ్చి వెళ్ళూ.
డాక్టర్ కి కోపం వస్తుంది. 300 ఇచ్చి అక్కడ నుండి వెళ్ళిపోతాడు.
కొన్నిరోజులకి తను పోగొట్టుకున్న డబ్బులు తిరిగి సంపాదించుకుందామని మళ్ళీ వెళతాడు. ఈ సారి
పేషంట్(డాక్టర్) : నాకు ఏదీ గుర్తుండటంలేదు .
MBA గ్రాడ్యుయేట్ : Nurse, box no 22 లో medicine తీసుకొచ్చి మూడు చుక్కలు పేషంట్ నోట్లో వెయ్యి.
పేషంట్(డాక్టర్) : అది నాలుకకి రుచి తెప్పించే medicine కదా?
MBA గ్రాడ్యుయేట్ : కంగ్రాట్స్. నీ మతిమరుపు పోయింది. 300 ఇచ్చి కదులు.
డాక్టర్ కి మరింత పట్టుదల పెరిగి కొన్ని రోజుల తరువాత మళ్ళీ వస్తాడు.
పేషంట్(డాక్టర్) : నా కళ్ళు కనపడటం లేదు.
MBA గ్రాడ్యుయేట్ : hmm , నా దగ్గర దీనికి medicine లేదు. ఈ 1000 రూపాయలు తీసుకో.
పేషంట్(డాక్టర్) : కానీ ఇది 100 రూపాయల నోట్ కదా.
MBA గ్రాడ్యుయేట్:కంగ్రాట్స్. నీ చూపు తిరిగొచ్చింది. 300 ఇచ్చి కదులు.
'ట్రీట్ మెంట్ ఫీ : 300, బాగవ్వగపోతే 1000 వాపస్ '.
ఒక కుర్ర డాక్టరు ఈ బోర్డు చూసి తనకు 1000 రూపాయలు సంపాదించే అవకాశం వచ్చిందని సంబరపడుతూ ఆ క్లినిక్ లోకి వెళతాడు.
పేషంట్(డాక్టర్) : నా నాలుక రుచి కోల్పోయింది .
MBA గ్రాడ్యుయేట్ : Nurse, box no 22 లో medicine తీసుకొచ్చి మూడు చుక్కలు పేషంట్ నోట్లో వెయ్యి.
పేషంట్(డాక్టర్) : చీ ఇది పెట్రోల్ కదా
MBA గ్రాడ్యుయేట్ : కంగ్రాట్స్. నీ నాలుకకు రుచి తెలుస్తుంది. 300 ఫీ ఇచ్చి వెళ్ళూ.
డాక్టర్ కి కోపం వస్తుంది. 300 ఇచ్చి అక్కడ నుండి వెళ్ళిపోతాడు.
కొన్నిరోజులకి తను పోగొట్టుకున్న డబ్బులు తిరిగి సంపాదించుకుందామని మళ్ళీ వెళతాడు. ఈ సారి
పేషంట్(డాక్టర్) : నాకు ఏదీ గుర్తుండటంలేదు .
MBA గ్రాడ్యుయేట్ : Nurse, box no 22 లో medicine తీసుకొచ్చి మూడు చుక్కలు పేషంట్ నోట్లో వెయ్యి.
పేషంట్(డాక్టర్) : అది నాలుకకి రుచి తెప్పించే medicine కదా?
MBA గ్రాడ్యుయేట్ : కంగ్రాట్స్. నీ మతిమరుపు పోయింది. 300 ఇచ్చి కదులు.
డాక్టర్ కి మరింత పట్టుదల పెరిగి కొన్ని రోజుల తరువాత మళ్ళీ వస్తాడు.
పేషంట్(డాక్టర్) : నా కళ్ళు కనపడటం లేదు.
MBA గ్రాడ్యుయేట్ : hmm , నా దగ్గర దీనికి medicine లేదు. ఈ 1000 రూపాయలు తీసుకో.
పేషంట్(డాక్టర్) : కానీ ఇది 100 రూపాయల నోట్ కదా.
MBA గ్రాడ్యుయేట్:కంగ్రాట్స్. నీ చూపు తిరిగొచ్చింది. 300 ఇచ్చి కదులు.
Gentleman
Lady patient says to Doctor inside his examination room :
"Doctor can you please call my husband inside,
I am not feeling comfortable
Doctor -
"Trust me lady, I am a Gentleman.
I am a Doctor."
Lady patient -
"No that's not the issue.
Your receptionist is alone outside
and
My husband is not a gentleman... !!!!!!"
😜😜
"Doctor can you please call my husband inside,
I am not feeling comfortable
Doctor -
"Trust me lady, I am a Gentleman.
I am a Doctor."
Lady patient -
"No that's not the issue.
Your receptionist is alone outside
and
My husband is not a gentleman... !!!!!!"
😜😜
What is the gender of Maggi?
Q. What is the gender of Maggi?
a) MALE b) FEMALE
Ans. a) MALE. Because MAGGI gets ready in 2 minutes...!!
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
a) MALE b) FEMALE
Ans. a) MALE. Because MAGGI gets ready in 2 minutes...!!
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
everyone ran away..
🎓🏫Outside the court,
Salman's car was surrounded by media and not letting him go...
🚘 So he got into the driver's seat and everyone ran away...
😀😀😀😀😀
Where do you see the company after 3 quarters
Manager: Where do you see the company after 3 quarters?📈📊
Employee :
After 3 quarters 🍷🍷🍷I don't really care about company, I just do the nagin dance.....
Employee :
After 3 quarters 🍷🍷🍷I don't really care about company, I just do the nagin dance.....
had never driven a bus before
This is a friendly reminder about drinking and driving during the new year season :
One of my friend went out last night and after drinking he made a sensible decision to leave his car at the pub and took the bus home.
He was really proud of himself this morning..!!
He had never driven a bus before
One of my friend went out last night and after drinking he made a sensible decision to leave his car at the pub and took the bus home.
He was really proud of himself this morning..!!
He had never driven a bus before
Simple Addition
Teacher: If I gave you 2 rabbits, and another 2 rabbits and another 2, how many will you have?
Pappu: Seven Sir.
Teacher: No, listen carefully. If I gave you 2 rabbits, and another 2rabbits and another 2, how many will you have?
Pappu: Seven.
Teacher: Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you 2 apples, and another apples and another 2, how many will you have?
Pappu: Six. Teacher: Good. Now if I gave you 2 rabbits, and another 2 rabbits and another 2, how many will you have?
Pappu: Seven!
Teacher: Where do you get seven from?
Pappu: Because I've already got one at home.
Pappu: Seven Sir.
Teacher: No, listen carefully. If I gave you 2 rabbits, and another 2rabbits and another 2, how many will you have?
Pappu: Seven.
Teacher: Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you 2 apples, and another apples and another 2, how many will you have?
Pappu: Six. Teacher: Good. Now if I gave you 2 rabbits, and another 2 rabbits and another 2, how many will you have?
Pappu: Seven!
Teacher: Where do you get seven from?
Pappu: Because I've already got one at home.
A Dinner Date
Pappu met up with his close friend Bunty and told him that he had just met the girl of his dreams. He asked Bunty for advise on how he should proceed!
The wise and experienced man of the world, Bunty said, "Well, send her roses, and on the name card invite her for a home-cooked meal."
Pappu liked the idea, so he followed Bunty's advice and invited the woman. Next day after the dinner Bunty called Pappu and asked him how did the home-cooked dinner go.
Pappu cried, "It was a complete flop."
Bunty asked, "Why? Didn't the girl come to your house?"
Pappu replied, "She came, but she refused to cook and left angrily!"
The wise and experienced man of the world, Bunty said, "Well, send her roses, and on the name card invite her for a home-cooked meal."
Pappu liked the idea, so he followed Bunty's advice and invited the woman. Next day after the dinner Bunty called Pappu and asked him how did the home-cooked dinner go.
Pappu cried, "It was a complete flop."
Bunty asked, "Why? Didn't the girl come to your house?"
Pappu replied, "She came, but she refused to cook and left angrily!"
Most Obedient
There was a father who called his 5 small children together.
As they sat together in a circle on the floor the dad placed a toy in the middle.
He explained to them that he won this toy as a door prize and he wanted to give it to one of them. He asked them, "who is the most obedient?"
Five sets of eyes looked up at him.
Sensing that they didn't understand the word he then asked, "Ok, who always obeys mommy, and does everything she says?"
One of the children picked up the toy and handed it to the father.
"You win!" exclaimed the child.
As they sat together in a circle on the floor the dad placed a toy in the middle.
He explained to them that he won this toy as a door prize and he wanted to give it to one of them. He asked them, "who is the most obedient?"
Five sets of eyes looked up at him.
Sensing that they didn't understand the word he then asked, "Ok, who always obeys mommy, and does everything she says?"
One of the children picked up the toy and handed it to the father.
"You win!" exclaimed the child.
MEN WILL BE MEN
A girl at bustop spotted a handsome man and without hesitation she told " i love u"
Man placed his hand on her head: " this love and infatuation all are nothing,
Go back to ur home and study hard so that u can lead a successful life"
Go back to ur home and study hard so that u can lead a successful life"
Man then placed a piece of paper in her hand:" i have written some wisdom for you.read before u sleep" and went away..
Girl went back to hostel with tears and before sleep she opens the paper.
"Are you blind?my wife was standing behind me..anyways this is my number call me anytime..by the way.. i love u too!"
MEN WILL BE MEN..
GAP
😁⛽⛽⛽⛽⛽⛽⛽
What is "GENERATION GAP"?
**Father used to walk 20 Minutes to save 20 Rs.
Son spends 20 Rs. to save 20 Minutes.
(Surprisingly both are correct...!!!)
⛽⛽⛽⛽⛽⛽⛽⛽
**Cultural Gap
If electricity goes in America they call the power house.
In Japan, they test the fuse,
But In India, they check neighbour's house, "power gone there too....then ok!" 😀😀😀⛽⛽⛽😁😁😁
**Sense of Responsibility...
A man goes to library n asks for a book on Suicide..........
Librarian looks at him n says: "hello.. who will return the book ????"
⛽⛽⛽⛽⛽⛽⛽⛽
**GRANDFATHER TO GRANDSON:
Go hide! Your teacher is coming as you bunked school today!
GRANDSON: YOU go hide.. I told her YOU PASSED AWAY!!
😛😅😛
⛽⛽⛽⛽⛽⛽⛽⛽⛽
**Sister to brother: What r u going to gift grandma on her b'day?
Brother: A football
Sister: But grandma does not play!
Brother: On my b'day she gave me bhagavat gita. 😜😛😀
Dont laugh alone pass it on.....😃😃
⛽⛽⛽⛽⛽⛽⛽⛽⛽
Whatever wife asks..., pls.. GIVE!!!
In the morning, wife asked for newspaper ..
Husband - How backward you are... The world has progressed so much and you are asking for newspaper? Here, have my iPad ....
Wife killed the cockroach with the iPad....
Husband unconscious ...😳
Moral of the Story:
Whatever wife asks..., pls.. GIVE!!!😜
you were not involved
A man stood outside of his house after a bitter fight with his wife, he noticed a crate of beer bottles.
He took out an empty bottle and smashed it onto the wall swearing, "you are the reason I fight wit my wife".
He smashed the second bottle, "you are the reason I don't love my children".
He smashed the third bottle, "you are the reason I don't have a decent job".
When he took the fourth bottle, he realized that the bottle was still sealed and full of beer and he said to the bottle, "you stand aside, I know you were not involved".
🍻🍻🍻🍻🍻🍻😂😂
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